I can't Imagine

I've been watching the news of late and watched a few movies with all the same themes, and I just don't understand why a parent would want to cause harm to their own child.

As a brand new Mummy, my world completely changed when I give birth, not only was it the most euphoric experience I've ever had but with it came the instant realisation that if anything happened to this tiny human being I would forever be at lost. Once my boy arrived I could never imagine my life without him, so whilst much happiness came with a child, a certain amount of sadness comes with it as well.

THE WORRY, for their health and safety and happiness, I mean I don't sit there day in and day out stressing about what could go wrong but it sits in the back of your mind! A little alert, that's what part of loving and caring for someone entails don't you think? It's not all but it is a certain role as a mother or even parent, grandparent, godparent etc etc.

So the point being is just how can any one in their right 'bloody' mind want to cause harm to a baby, a child or even a person. How can these people want to be parents if they just want to throw it around like a rag doll and more importantly why are we letting them get away with it!

Take a moment to seriously think, everyone knows someone or someone of someone who shouldn't have kids, you hear the stories all the time through friends or family, don't you. And when you hear it, you judge, not because you want to but because you need to for the sake of the child.

My heart goes out to all the victims of a abuse, unfortunately it's a vicious cycle.

In a movie I watched the mother had one of her children taken away to foster care and the other two ran away, by the time she got it together enough to want them, they're were in an accident and died. She was beside herself. I sympathised because it's terrible but another part of me felt she had no right to feel like that after what she had already done to them.
(We all know it's a movie, but this happens all the time in real life every where!)

Sometimes we are selfish and there is the good kind, like indulging in some chocolate or having a drink and then there's the bad kind, which you don't need me to detail.

At the end of today I just held my baby close to my heart, literally had him on my chest and I snuggled in close to him, I made sure that he knew he was safe in my arms, warm and cozy, I showed him love and affection and told myself in my head not to forget this moment, not to forget that they're just to precious to waste time on the petty stuff.

Have your moment with your loved ones, it's doesn't matter if your not a parent, maybe you have a brother or sister, a mum or dad, a partner or cousin, even a lovable pet. Just have a moment with them and remember that for some of us we have the good life with Lot's of love and just because of that we are truly blessed.

Happiness doesn't come from a box, a present or shop, it really comes from those unexpected things.

In today's society we can sometimes forget that, so this is just your little reminder!!!

A little Love from me today if your reading this right now, a little soppy but hey someone needs to bring that smile to your face :D

Bless all the little babies and children and teens out there, please try not to feel despair xx

What If's

So I guess with everyone coming and going, it's only natural to think of how I got here. Don't get me wrong I love my boys and my life, but I had to make decisions to get here. And I was just wondering how life would be so different if I didn't come home from Europe or if I did continue working on the Mines, or what if I actually got around to my USA travels!! What kind of life would I be leading if I choose differently?

I know some of you might think I'm playing with fire just thinking about, that I might start regretting the decisions I made, but I mean please have your seen my baby he is way too cute to think he could never have existed!! I mean at the end of the day I know I'm happiest when I'm with Robbie and Bryce. But I still have this niggling feeling about the What If's?

If I had stayed on in Europe, in the moment Robbie said if you don't come home with me we have to break up! What if I said I want to stay, what if I followed another dream? Would I still be in Europe? Would I have used my UK Visa more wisely and followed a career in acting? or at least extra work? Would my heart miss Robbie if I stayed? When I got home how different would my friends and family be?

I know this is a bit crazy but this I think is coming because of the huge changes I've just experienced in my life. For a brief moment I had my past and my future in one room and I was at a stand still in my present watching it on the big screen, going over the different paths that happened then and when...

What if I stayed working on the mines? Would I be happy or sad? Would I be making plans to buy a house or would I have already bought one and would that be with Robbie or would I be riding on the solo train? Or would I just be pissing the money up the wall... I know one thing for sure I definitely would have more money, but probably wouldn't have Bryce and ever if I had to choose, I would take Bryce over all the money in the world!!!

Where would I be if I was in the USA, how much fun am I having and what kind of friends do I have? Am I broke? Can I work over there? or am I coming home soon? Do I ring my parents regularly and do Robbie and I still talk?

I know Robbie is in everyone of these scenarios and the reason why is because he has always been part of my adult life, he has been in my life since I was 16 even when we broke up we still talked, so I cannot imagine life without him in any way shape or form.

So the conclusion I'm going to come to is that Robbie and I were meant to be! I mean if he is in everyone of the paths I could have taken, I obviously took the right one. Saying Yes, was the biggest change I could have made and I didn't even know it.
YES brought me to buying a house and getting a dog and having a baby, YES makes me a better person everyday for myself, and YES has let me grow and be a little selfish for me, YES has helped me become me.

We choose our own fate but I think in some strange way our lives have been written out already, it's just up to you, the author the narrator, the illustrator to make sure you pick the right book!