What If's

So I guess with everyone coming and going, it's only natural to think of how I got here. Don't get me wrong I love my boys and my life, but I had to make decisions to get here. And I was just wondering how life would be so different if I didn't come home from Europe or if I did continue working on the Mines, or what if I actually got around to my USA travels!! What kind of life would I be leading if I choose differently?

I know some of you might think I'm playing with fire just thinking about, that I might start regretting the decisions I made, but I mean please have your seen my baby he is way too cute to think he could never have existed!! I mean at the end of the day I know I'm happiest when I'm with Robbie and Bryce. But I still have this niggling feeling about the What If's?

If I had stayed on in Europe, in the moment Robbie said if you don't come home with me we have to break up! What if I said I want to stay, what if I followed another dream? Would I still be in Europe? Would I have used my UK Visa more wisely and followed a career in acting? or at least extra work? Would my heart miss Robbie if I stayed? When I got home how different would my friends and family be?

I know this is a bit crazy but this I think is coming because of the huge changes I've just experienced in my life. For a brief moment I had my past and my future in one room and I was at a stand still in my present watching it on the big screen, going over the different paths that happened then and when...

What if I stayed working on the mines? Would I be happy or sad? Would I be making plans to buy a house or would I have already bought one and would that be with Robbie or would I be riding on the solo train? Or would I just be pissing the money up the wall... I know one thing for sure I definitely would have more money, but probably wouldn't have Bryce and ever if I had to choose, I would take Bryce over all the money in the world!!!

Where would I be if I was in the USA, how much fun am I having and what kind of friends do I have? Am I broke? Can I work over there? or am I coming home soon? Do I ring my parents regularly and do Robbie and I still talk?

I know Robbie is in everyone of these scenarios and the reason why is because he has always been part of my adult life, he has been in my life since I was 16 even when we broke up we still talked, so I cannot imagine life without him in any way shape or form.

So the conclusion I'm going to come to is that Robbie and I were meant to be! I mean if he is in everyone of the paths I could have taken, I obviously took the right one. Saying Yes, was the biggest change I could have made and I didn't even know it.
YES brought me to buying a house and getting a dog and having a baby, YES makes me a better person everyday for myself, and YES has let me grow and be a little selfish for me, YES has helped me become me.

We choose our own fate but I think in some strange way our lives have been written out already, it's just up to you, the author the narrator, the illustrator to make sure you pick the right book!